and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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