Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
