i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize