i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
40s are totally the cure
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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