I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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