Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
