Got a toothbrush?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
