You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
