We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
