I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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