respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
