Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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