just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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