so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
