Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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