Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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