where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
