Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
