So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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