I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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