Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize