i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
