I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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