i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I miss vodka workout Fridays
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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