I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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