Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
