Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
