The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
