I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize