Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
