ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
