He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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