I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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