Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
