Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
