you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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