He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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