I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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