I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
