I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
