Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize