we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I want to fling myself into the sun
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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