Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
