and she was petting her beer can
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
