I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
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