oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
