i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
