don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
