so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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