i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We are two peas in an std pod
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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