I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
