I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
