i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I've blown a few things in my day
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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