so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
