no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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