The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
