Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Redeem this text for a blowjob
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
