My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
As shirtless as possible
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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