4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
