Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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