Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
