And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
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