We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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