I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i came on her dog
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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