how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
