Swine flu. Run for my life!
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize