She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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