He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
