dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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