Dual....:-)
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize