I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
