Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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