yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
