Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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